07 March 2012


The Latest Fail from the Twilight "Stars"

So, I hate the Twilight books and movies. I have little to no respect for Robert Pattinson and only a shred of it for Kristen Stewart. She wasn’t bad in the independent Welcome to the Rileys. The only reason I give Taylor Lautner a pass is because of his choice to make an action movie with John Singleton. Singleton is the Academy Award nominated writer/director of Boyz n the Hood. He is also behind Shaft, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and Four Brothers, all of which I enjoy.

Abduction’s trailer was intriguing, but generic. I still wanted to see the movie because I am always looking for the next great "B-action" movie from September and/or January. But, not every movie can be the next Crank or Taken. Unfortunately, Abduction joins the likes of Unknown, Gamer, and Crank 2 as utter failures.

Abduction starts off with a terrible car-surfing sequence with Nathan (Lautner) riding on the hood of his friend’s pick up. I should have known at this point that the film could only get worse. And, it does. Nathan has a run in with the boyfriend of his childhood crush Karen (Lily Collins). Then, after a terrible party sequence, Nathan wakes up shirtless (duh) in the front yard of the house where the party took place. His disappointed father (Jason Isaacs) picks him up. When they get home, he proceeds to make his son put on boxing gloves, and fight. Things get a bit out of hand, and finally Mara (Maria Bello) comes to the rescue of her son.

The next week at school, a teacher assigns Karen and Nathan to be partners on a project about missing children. As they sit and do Internet research, Karen discovers that one of the missing children looks eerily similar to Nathan. He calls the number on the website. It turns out, this is a phony website ran by people trying to locate Nathan, and a hit squad is sent to abduct him. This goes awry, and Nathan and Karen are on the run. With the help of Dr. Bennett (Sigourney Weaver), Nathan’s psychologist, they elude the bad guys.

As it turns out, Nathan’s father is a deep cover CIA operative who came across a list of dirty agents. As in all boring and trite spy espionage films, the dirty list includes spies on both sides. The whole movie culminates in an action sequence at PNC Park, in Pittsburg, where the Pirates “play” baseball. Scheduling that couldn’t have been hard. It’s not like the Pirates are using it for anything important.

Abduction is not a good movie on any level. The acting is terrible. I usually like Bello and Isaacs, but even they couldn’t help the terrible dialog written by Shawn Christensen. Lautner really is as bad of an actor as I feared he would be. The directing was lifeless and uninspired. I have come to expect more and better from the Academy Award nominated director. The action scenes were just flat. I wasted a $1.30 (w/tax) and 106 minutes on this, and I can say with certainty, you should not.

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