And Much More Needed For Me!
What can really be said about a movie written by Toby Keith and Rodney Carrington based on a song written by Toby Keith that has not already been said or at least thought? Exactly! Nothing! Now, I have to admit that I could not help myself, I wanted, almost needed, to see this film. In the spirit of Billy Ray Cyrus’ Radical Jack, I wanted to see this film because someone green lit it and thought it was a good idea for a movie. There are very few singers turned actors who do not stink up the screen. Will Smith and Mark Wahlberg lead this short list. It is also worth mentioning that the director, Michael Solomon, chose to make this his big-screen directorial debut. He only had a few music videos to his credit according to IMDB before making this. So, this movie did not disappoint because I had zero expectations for this movie, as did most of America since I was all alone in the Thursday night showing. I had to catch it Thursday because it was leaving that night after a total of 7 days in theaters.
Beer for My Horses opens with a trailer park domestic dispute. Classy. Rack and his partner Lonnie, Toby Keith and Rodney Carrington, are called to the scene. Of course, some “hilarity” ensues. From there, we see Gina Gershon, in her only scene, leaving Rack because he is a bad boyfriend. Next, we meet Sheriff Landry, played by once respected Tom Skerritt. He puts his B-Team of Rack, Lonnie and Skunk, played by silent Ted Nugent, on a mission to stop a group from stealing fertilizer in their efforts to make methamphetamine. While busting them, they arrest a Mexican drug lord’s brother. Then, right on cue, old flame Annie, cardboard actress Claire “I was in Meet Joe Black please remember me” Forlaini, returns to the small town to give Rack someone to care about. And, as no surprise, she is kidnapped by said drug lord and held as collateral for the arrested Mexican. This incites Rack to go to Mexico with his band of misfits to thwart the drug lord’s plans and rescue the damsel in distress.
Why go into this any further? It was a formulaic as it gets. This movie offered nothing I haven’t already seen in my obsession with 80’s B-Action movies. The real problem this movie had, other than the obvious acting, was that the script sounded like it was written by a 6 year-old in crayon. I might also add that the movie had nothing to do with the song itself. As far as movies go, this should have been a direct to DVD release and spared the humiliation of the theaters. With a box office of just over $250,000, I am proud to say I saw it in theaters. I just wanted to be able to say that. Verdict: Unless you are a glutton for punishment like me, a severe passing on this is recommended.